Porn Store Confessional Randomness

Just random daily events from my job at the porn store.

Disclaimer:  I have no intention of hurting anyones feelings or anything like that.  This is just the random wackadoo stuff that happens that I find funny.  No names are given or anything like that so sorry for any offense I might give to someone (which shouldn’t happen since no one knows its you).

1.  A lady brings an item to the counter and says, “What are these?”  The front of the packaging says Golf Tees.  I say, “Golf Tees.”  She looks at me and asks, “It looks like I’m supposed to put something on top of it?”  I assume she was asking a question so I answered, “Yes, you put a golf ball on them.”

Edit: Added a picture of the golf tees.


2.  It’s easier to just copy and paste this from my MSN messenger… be warned the text isn’t SFW.

WIL
– OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG
– This lady just came in and asked for help.
– so I was like okay sure
– She started telling me things.
– horrible
– horrible
– things

BETSY
– …

WIL
– She was telling me she was into double penetration which I was okay with. Didn’t freak me out too much… w/e floats your boat.
– It was just thinking of a girl doing DP that kind of disturbed me.
– THEN
– THEN!!!!!
– She tells me her boyfriend has a fetish.
– I was like I’ve heard it all.
– I’ll do what I can to help you find what you need ya know.
– IT’S POOP!
– He wants her to poo on him.
– HE WANTS HER TO POO ON HIM!
– /shudder
– /vomit
– She wanted to know if we had anything that would assist her in putting things in there like fruit or something he could eat out.
– I hope that ruins your breakfast / lunch / dinner.

BETSY
– yeah. that would be what is called in the vernacular OVERSHARE lady
– dear god

Ya know, to each there own and far be it from me to be judgmental and I probably asked for it by offering my help but jeezy creezy.

3.  Lady walks in with her 18 yr old daughter to buy a dirty santa gift.  The dirty santa party is apparently at school so I’m guessing it wasn’t in a classroom?  Anyway, I was having to decide whether to be the adult and tell the lady it would be best NOT to let her daughter get edible panties and a vibrator for a SCHOOL function.  Luckily I didn’t have to though when the lady attempted to pay with her sisters credit card and then proceeded to cuss me out because I wouldn’t take it.

4.  “What do you mean the baby can’t come in?”  He said.  “Sorry, state law, it could cost me my job.” I said.  “I thought the baby was a baby ya know?” He mumbled as he leaned out the door to spit out some chew. “I didn’t think the baby was a kid.”

5.  “Do you have a sit n’ spin?” The lady asked when she came in the store.  I thought she meant something like this [NSFW].  I showed her what we had and she said, “OMG No, I’m not giving that to a 5yr old!” then she quickly ran out of the store proclaiming she didn’t realize what kind of store we were.  She was actually looking for this.

6.  We have a display setup in the store for a brand we carry and in that display are some vibes that have batteries so you can turn them on and see them go.  I got a big shipment of that brand and was straightening up the display when I got a closer look at one of the vibes.

Do you see those indentions?  Yea… those are teeth marks.  TEETH MARKS!  First of all do you know how many people have touched that vibrator?  Literally hundreds of people have touched it.  You might as well the doorknob to a public restroom.  /shudder

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5 thoughts on “Porn Store Confessional Randomness

  1. Baultt says:

    Wow that is AWESOME … i want to work at that store … oh the stories that i could tell/get told that would be the most awesome job in the world!!

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