hope?

I’ve always wondered why hope is so cruel.

Is it a survival instinct?  Is it what gives us the drive to continue living even when things are at their worst?

Maybe…

But I don’t understand why hope triggers in bad circumstances.

I just flat out don’t get why hope would make someone stay in an abusive relationship for example?  Why doesn’t hope get off it’s ass and push you to get out and find better; to pickup the pieces and solve your puzzle elsewhere.

Why is it people hope to be loved by the people who seem to care the least?  You give and you give and you just flat out don’t understand why that person doesn’t give back.  They certainly enjoy taking what you have to offer… but they can’t or won’t or are too afraid to put forth a commitment.  Why doesn’t hope kick in and tell you to wise the fuck up and stop letting people take advantage of you.  It doesn’t. It makes you think things will get better and 99 times out of 100… it won’t.  It’s that one fucking case that happened somewhere in New Guinea or some shit that makes hope a viable option.

And what happens when you finally stand up for yourself and just lay it all out for them with bullet points and everything.

You tell them, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”  They look at you like a plane from Lost just time warped into their brain and crash landed.  “What do you mean?” They ask.  “You take advantage of me, whether you know it or not.  I drop whatever it is I’m doing to hang out with you because I care for you.”  You tell them how you feel like shit when they can’t be bothered to speak to you and then show up a few months later asking to borrow money.

Luckily, hope has you tricked into thinking this time is going to be different.  That they realize just how much they need you in their lives.  Hope doesn’t mention they only need you in their lives as a fall-back plan or a loan company.  It fails to point out that you are going to feel just as shitty this next time around when they crush you like a watermelon at the state fair.

Do you know what else hope does after you go through this long drawn out conversation?

It makes you think they’ll call you later and realize how foolish they have been.  That they will finally grow up or admit to themselves who they are… hope gives you the glimmer of light you need to latch onto and make yourself feel like shit.

Fuck you hope.

Fuck you.

Comments are turned off.  Thank you for any opinion you might have… but I don’t want them.  I just needed to vent and well… this blog has been my place for that for sometime.  Thank you for your time.  I’ll go turn my emo off now.

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