Inside the Hellmouth – ep.2

last time on Inside the Hellmouth

A lot has happened since the last episode of Inside the Hellmouth.  It was never actually confirmed by any management that the Ass Manager quit.  She simply isn’t on the schedule anymore.  Maybe she’s on a leave of absence forrrrr-eeeevvvvv-er.

There’s always so much drama going on in the Hellmouth that it’s one of the reasons I stay around.

This past week the new assistant manager started, his name is Ass Man 2 (original right?)  He’s got the personality of a wet noodle and has managed to garner no friends.  He says very little, can’t be bothered to smile, and might have been seen eating the remains of a dead kitten.  His plans are to work in this portal to Hell until he can gain enough experience to move into the lead position at some other Hellmouth.  I’ve seen him smile once and I told one of my fellow goblin peasants that if he didn’t smile I was gonna tickle him.

She was laughing her ass off and asked what if it didn’t work?!  I told her I would just stick my finger in his butt then.  The odd part is when I realized he was walking up behind us as I said it.  I just shook his hand and introduced myself as his friendly goblin worker!

In the last week we’ve also lost 4 people to various things.

Angel was one of those casualties of war.  She was my wingman.  She also found out that Quietus, one of the higher level demons, was straight.  We were both QUITE surprised at that and are pretty sure he’s just confused or not completely out.  He does still live at home with his mom after all.  The sad part was Angel liked him as a person and Quietus was glad she quit =(

What happened to Angel though you ask?  This goes back a week or two.

Our stock room was beginning to look like a dragons hoard.  There were boxes piled everywhere and most of it was clothes.  The piles were so high you couldn’t see over them.  They scheduled everyone for infinite hours last week to get the treasure moved to the floor.  By Thursday the treasure was all put out and Cthulu, the Hellmouth’s Manager, started changing schedules on the fly.  Suddenly Angel wasn’t leaving at 3… she was leaving at 5.

She would have been fine with that if they had asked her but Cthulu didn’t, and she doesn’t really have to ask I guess.  She is the overlord of the Hellmouth after all.  I’ve never had any problem with Cthulu but I know she does treat some people like kids.  Especially when she flies into a rage and she starts foaming at the mouth and her tentacles start wigging out.  She’s done it to Angel a couple of times and Angel decided that the change to her schedule WHILE SHE WAS AT WORK was enough.  She grabbed her shit and set fire to the break room.  In the commotion she sawed off her ball and chain identifier and made a break for it.  She hasn’t been seen since.

Goodbye my Angel!

One of the other goblins who quit, I won’t bother to give her a name since she’s only going to appear once in this soap, showed up Sunday to turn in her ball and chain.  She slammed it down on the counter and proclaimed, “If I wanted to deal with the shit that goes on here I’d work in the sewers!”  She promptly spit at Ass Man 2 and stormed out killed several innocent bystanders glowering outside waiting for us to open.

Next episode… we meet my nemesis, Eve.


3 thoughts on “Inside the Hellmouth – ep.2

  1. Shiny says:

    This makes me miss retail…lol. Ahh, the drama. This blog did remind me of a former guildmate, who called his inlaws Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine. He would log to “drop off his kids at the Death Star.”

    Btw, we always knew you were a goblin, but we were too polite to mention it. I’m glad it’s out there now so we don’t have to tiptoe around the subject.

    Also, I’m wondering if the new asst. manager smiled before or AFTER you said you were going to stick your finger in his butt? You didn’t say.

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