I always have the smartest people applying for jobs.  This guy for example…

“Are y’all hiring?” he asked.
“Not at the moment but if you’d like an application I can give you one.” I answered.
“Yea sure, can I fill it out here?”
“Totally.  I’m the manager.  My name is Wil, just so you know my turnover rate isn’t very high but I keep applications on file for awhile.”

He starts filling out the application…

“Where did you use to work at?”
“I worked over at the hospital in the kitchen but they pissed me off so I just walked out.”  He told me, “It sucks though cuz I haven’t been able to find a job since then.”
“Oh yea….” I said dumbfounded.

“I messed up.”
“I put my phone number on the social security line and my social on the phone line.”
“Oh that’s okay, I can tell the difference in the numbers so it’s not a problem.” I said.

I was trying to rush him because he had a bit of funk and I just needed him to leave.

” I don’t understand what to put for desired pay.” he stated.
“Just put minimum wage, because that’s what we pay.”

I watched him start to write… M… E… N… then he paused.  Internally I started to laugh, then I thought I’m going to hell, “Just put 7.25… that’s the actual amount.”

He’s not finished with the front side of the application, it took about 20 minutes to get it all.  He skipped the availability part, I can only assume he isn’t available to actually show up to work but he wouldn’t mind collecting a paycheck.

He runs out to his car to get his phone so he can fill out the 3 references section.

He lists one person, I think it’s his fiancee (who won’t marry him until he has a job he told me).  He gets to the last part of the application where you put previous job history…

“Do I have to list my job at the Hospital?  I didn’t leave on good terms so I’d prefer not to list it.”  Blankly he stares at me as if he really means what he just said.
“Well,”  Is all I can come up with.  I’m bowled over by the question.  “You kind of already have.”
“What?” he says as I watch the obvious fly over the cap he’ swearing at an angle.  I hate caps at an angle.  Just wear the fucking thing like you are supposed to instead of like you are trying to rob a liquor store.
“Remember… I told you I’m the manager.  Whether you list it or not doesn’t matter because I already know that you flaked out on the job.”
“Oh right…” he says as I clue him in.  “Do I need to write it down then?”

Blank stare…

“Nah, you’re good.”

“I’m still working with my dad, I don’t know what to put under end date.”
“Just leave it blank, I’ll know what it means.”

It means I’ve already decided you are fucked and that you should apply at Burger King.

He hands me the application, I file it in the folder of forgotten people.


2 thoughts on “S.M.R.T. SMART!

  1. Addy says:

    When my store was closing back in September, we had all the bright orange CLEARANCE and STORE CLOSING signs hanging all over the store. The bookshelves were 70% empty. If there were 5 shelves to a side, we might have had 1 and a half shelves full. Books were flopping all over and my store had NEVER looked as bad as it did when all the vultures came in to pick at its closing carcass. WE WERE CLOSING.

    I can’t tell you how many clueless people came into my store and would ask for an application or ask if we were hiring. I told one guy we were closing and he looked at me like I had a 3rd eye. I pointed up to the bright orange freaking signs and he said Oh.

    We would then proceed to talk about our future applicants as they left the store. They made such a lasting impression that I use them as management/training stories as to why customers never read one tenth the signs we put up to get them to buy stuff.

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