Grass Attack!

I’m still a little new to home owning and things that most take for granted I’m still kind of discovering.

For example if you go 3 weeks without cutting your grass you only have a few options… almost all of them involving mass destruction.

It took me 3 hours last night to mow the lawn.  I had to take it really slow or the poor thing would start to cough and sputter and yell obscenities at me.  Total mowing time was really about 2 and a 1/2 hours though cuz I had to take some short breaks.

The first was when the mower had died.  I thought it had overheated (it’s a REALLY old mower and I wouldn’t past it) but that wasn’t it.  The cord you have to pull real fast would sometimes not catch so I thought maybe that was the problem but it was doing what it was supposed to.  I checked to make sure the wire hadn’t come off the spark plug and I made sure the throttle was down… but I just couldn’t get it started.

I was getting angry at this point and called my grandfather.  First thing he asks is did it run out of gas?  I said well of course not, I just refilled it not long ago.  I checked anyway just to humor him.

Then I went and got the gas can and filled it up.

The second break was me trying to convince myself that pouring gas on the yard and lighting a match was a bad idea.  This wasn’t because I didn’t want to mow the yard (partially).  It was because while I was mowing I mowed up close to the side of the house and 5 or so wolf spiders (see picture to the right) ran up the wall.

I ran opposite that wall.

That’s when how best to destroy them started to enter my mind.  I couldn’t possibly catch them all in one fell swoop, they did run after all.  A nuclear explosion would be counterproductive so that was out of the question and my lack of shooting skills would probably bring the cops to my house when I started firing rounds at my house.

My flame thrower was in the shop and I didn’t have enough gas to burn down the yard or the knowledge to control the fire from burning down the house.  I just had to keep mowing.

It did work as a GREAT motivator though.  Whatever time I lost considering the destruction of the wolf spider family I made up for I’m sure with my frantic mowing.

I’m trying not to destroy my computer right now… do you see that picture?  Do you know how difficult it was just to find that picture?!  My skin is crawling now just trying to type this out for you.  I tried finding one that gave you a better idea of the scale on them but after I passed out the second time I just said fuck it and plugged that on in.  Wikipedia says their body length is usually around an inch but I’m pretty sure the ones I saw were the size of small children.



10 thoughts on “Grass Attack!

  1. Tagra says:

    These are quite prolific in my basement:

    My computer is in my basement because it’s nice and cool down here. I have a massive book (one of those aftermarket repair manuals for a car we no longer have) to squish them if they happen to run past during a raid.

    I got over arachnophobia when one of those fuckers landed on me while I was sitting on the toilet. Yes. A very vulnerable time to be attacked by 5 inch spiders. Now I just *hate* them. *hate hate hate* *kill* *squish*

    But at least we don’t live in Australia. No huntsmans…

  2. Tagra says:

    Haha I was actually just reading that entry…

    “It was however unwittingly introduced to the Pacific Northwest of North America circa 1900 due to human activity and strongly increased in numbers for the last decade.”

    Fuck you people from 1900’s who introduced them to BC and allowed them to thrive *shake fist*

  3. Xeo says:

    hahaha, thats awesome

    My arachnophobia has steadily gotten worse over the years.

    I had a dream along time ago that I was on Oprah doing one of those “Get Over Your Fears” shows and they put a big hairy tarantula on my hand. I tried but I freaked out and started shaking my hand and I guess the reaction was so violent in my dream that I started flailing IRL as well. I woke up when I slammed my hand into the corner of the nightstand.

    Then there was the minor incident where I was driving…

  4. Conifer says:

    I had a similar experience after killing a large black widow spider in my garden last year. The very next day I called Orkin and they’ve been coming every other month ever since. $40/mo is a small price to pay for a little piece of mind. I would hate for one of my little doggies to tangle with a black widow and end up all dead.

    I hate spiders. Almost all other creatures I have difficulty killing and would prefer to move out of my house instead of kill. But I KILL every spider I see.


  5. cerburos says:

    I have to agree with u guys I hate spiders too. But I do enjoy burning there legs with a lighter and watching them try to walk. I’m glad I have never came across any of the spiders u guys are talking about. Or i may just freak out

  6. Xeo says:

    @Conifer: Yea I got to see a youtube video of some guy’s black widow bite that was slowly progressing while I searched for some spider pictures. /shudder

    @Cerb: I can’t imagine getting close enough to burn them with a lighter. Maybe a flamethrower…

  7. Shiny says:

    I lol’d. Spiders, snakes…those don’t bother me. Now crickets–I am terrified of them. We have the wolf spiders here too.

    If the bugs really bother you and you can’t shell out the $40 a month for the Orkin guy, WalMart has a sale right now on something called “Home Defense.” It’s got a pumper handle and a squirter and it kills bugs for up to 6 months. You spray it all around the perimeter of your house, inside and out. I’ve used it for several years now and it is very effective. I saw it at WalMart for about $6 and that will last you quite awhile.

  8. Tagra says:

    I feed crickets to our bearded dragon so there’s a bucket of them under our kitchen table. Sometimes they escape! Small snacks for the spiders in the basement >.>

    It’s really really weird how our automatic responses to insects are though. Nothing else bothers me. I love rats, snakes, insects of various types… I feel kinda bad feeding them to the lizard but oh well they were literally bred for this and circle of life and all that. I guess I don’t care for bees and wasps much but that’s because if they sting me I have to go to the hospital before I ***die***, so the reaction isn’t entirely unwarranted.

    But even so, if there’s a wasp I go “oh crap, wasp” and duck and cover. If there’s a dark skittering object, I will recoil without even mentally processing what it is other than “black skittering object”, THEN I will take a second look at what it was. If it’s a loose cricket, I scoop it up with my fingers and chuck it into the terrarium. If it’s a spider, I recoil MORE, then the seething rage takes over and I stomp the fuck out of it with whatever happens to be nearby.

    WHY do I have such a primal, involuntary reaction to spiderlike objects? Ancient spiders must have had some fucking amazing venom to cause that reaction to be so deeply rooted.

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