Porn Store Confessional Randomness

Just random daily events from my job at the porn store.

Disclaimer:  I have no intention of hurting anyones feelings or anything like that.  This is just the random wackadoo stuff that happens that I find funny.  No names are given or anything like that so sorry for any offense I might give to someone (which shouldn’t happen since no one knows its you).

1.  A lady brings an item to the counter and says, “What are these?”  The front of the packaging says Golf Tees.  I say, “Golf Tees.”  She looks at me and asks, “It looks like I’m supposed to put something on top of it?”  I assume she was asking a question so I answered, “Yes, you put a golf ball on them.”

Edit: Added a picture of the golf tees.

2.  It’s easier to just copy and paste this from my MSN messenger… be warned the text isn’t SFW.

WIL
- OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG
- This lady just came in and asked for help.
- so I was like okay sure
- She started telling me things.
- horrible
- horrible
- things

BETSY
- …

WIL
- She was telling me she was into double penetration which I was okay with. Didn’t freak me out too much… w/e floats your boat.
- It was just thinking of a girl doing DP that kind of disturbed me.
- THEN
- THEN!!!!!
- She tells me her boyfriend has a fetish.
- I was like I’ve heard it all.
- I’ll do what I can to help you find what you need ya know.
- IT’S POOP!
- He wants her to poo on him.
- HE WANTS HER TO POO ON HIM!
- /shudder
- /vomit
- She wanted to know if we had anything that would assist her in putting things in there like fruit or something he could eat out.
- I hope that ruins your breakfast / lunch / dinner.

BETSY
- yeah. that would be what is called in the vernacular OVERSHARE lady
- dear god

Ya know, to each there own and far be it from me to be judgmental and I probably asked for it by offering my help but jeezy creezy.

3.  Lady walks in with her 18 yr old daughter to buy a dirty santa gift.  The dirty santa party is apparently at school so I’m guessing it wasn’t in a classroom?  Anyway, I was having to decide whether to be the adult and tell the lady it would be best NOT to let her daughter get edible panties and a vibrator for a SCHOOL function.  Luckily I didn’t have to though when the lady attempted to pay with her sisters credit card and then proceeded to cuss me out because I wouldn’t take it.

4.  ”What do you mean the baby can’t come in?”  He said.  ”Sorry, state law, it could cost me my job.” I said.  ”I thought the baby was a baby ya know?” He mumbled as he leaned out the door to spit out some chew. “I didn’t think the baby was a kid.”

5.  ”Do you have a sit n’ spin?” The lady asked when she came in the store.  I thought she meant something like this [NSFW].  I showed her what we had and she said, “OMG No, I’m not giving that to a 5yr old!” then she quickly ran out of the store proclaiming she didn’t realize what kind of store we were.  She was actually looking for this.

6.  We have a display setup in the store for a brand we carry and in that display are some vibes that have batteries so you can turn them on and see them go.  I got a big shipment of that brand and was straightening up the display when I got a closer look at one of the vibes.

Do you see those indentions?  Yea… those are teeth marks.  TEETH MARKS!  First of all do you know how many people have touched that vibrator?  Literally hundreds of people have touched it.  You might as well the doorknob to a public restroom.  /shudder

I thought u were on a break?

It’s funny how NOT playing WoW gives you WAY more time to write about it.  If I learn how to do things in moderation I’ll attempt to balance posting and playing.

Haha… moderation… that’ll be a cold day in hell.  At least it also gives me more time to read up on WoW and see what all is happening.

Unless you have been living under a rock you’ll have noticed that 3.3.3 was announced.  It is nerfing the requirements for older patterns from Ulduar and ToC.  The cooldowns for xmutes is being removed and if you are a class other than priest there is probably some changes going in for you.  I’m looking forward to doing another rez of the patch notes.

The patch is very similar to the pre-Lich King patch (patch 3.0.2) that nerf’d bosses and started to pave the way for the expansion.  Sweeping changes were made to the way some things worked.  Some of this has already been built into the game in that Icecrown Citadel will begin to get easier as that buff starts working on raid groups.  I would also expect the stat changes to go in before Cataclysm to help iron out the bugs and get a bit more finalization on the way they work.

They have also given some information on an extra raid instance under Wyrmrest that is located within the Ruby Sanctum.  Something about the black dragon flight starting an attack on the red dragons… more road being paved for the xpac.  That is the first time I’ve actually been to the Cataclysm website, it’s pretty kewl lookin’.  Mostly because of that mega dragon, Deathwing, ready to pwn some ass.

A bunch of little things that add up to big things in the end I guess.  The thing I’m most interested in is the graphics for the items that will come from the Ruby Sanctum.  Will they have red dragon inspired looks?  I’m certainly hoping so!

In other random news…

• Bobturkey seems to have been kidnapped.  He hasn’t had a post in quite some time… where fore art thou Bob!?
• Daemia of Casual Collective and Mingle of One Of These Alts have some more STO things to say.
• It has been a bit but I think I remember wowinsider.com looking for a new priest writer a lil’ while back because Matticus had to begin training as a ninja assassin.  In his place (I could be wrong here) a poster by the name of Dawn Moore has stepped up.  She has two very recent posts, one about the 3.3.3 changes and another about macros for priests that are great reads.
• Judge Judy has never heard of us?!

• Raid oriented things always intrigue me and Misery posts her? his? thoughts on loot council.
• Behind the scenes with WordPress can show you when someone links to your blog and over the course of this blog it has led me to several very decent blogs.  A new one (read: new to me, but been posting since Dec. 09) by the name of Cranky Healer has been posting some really good stuff.  Recently a great set of posts about addons and of course funny ones to.
• Over at /Officerchat he has a post of personal interest about guilds led by IRL friends, which Relentless is (but its 3 instead of 8 people).

I like posts that gather a bunch of random into one place and share it (I’m not sure what they are called) but wanted to try my hand at it but stay WoW related.  This isn’t WoW related but I’ll leave you with it…

Random Update #17

It has been super hectic for my IRL lately.  Being an adult sucks!

I found a house though.  We had to play a game of HAGGLE! to get a price but it was finally agreed upon.  I’m under contract now and my home inspection was just done this Tuesday.  There’s nothing major wrong, thank God, but a buncha minor things.  The house is 70 yrs old after all so it needs a bit of TLC.  My realtor (who isn’t quite the brightest crayon in the box) is supposed to get a list together and say, ‘NO EXCUSES!  FIX IT!’  We’ll see how well that goes over Monday.

The company I work for is opening a new store about an hour and a 1/2 away from where we are and one of my employees is going to be taking it over.  She’s been with the company for two years.  I’m having to train her in the stupid store manager stuff (ie. bullshit paperwork) that has to get done.  Going over the hiring and terminating and just the general things you don’t know when you first become a manager.  Hope I don’t forget anything!  Any suggestions from you all?

On top of that she’s is was a full time employee for me so now I’ll have to hirer 2 part time peeps to replace her.  It’s been good other then that though.  I’ve had a stable crew for almost 10 months which is a record for me.  My turn over is usually higher (like 1 employee every 2-3 months).  I can’t help it if I’m hard to work for.

All this busy has led to a change in our raid scheduling as well.  For those that don’t know I solo run my raids (with the help of 24 VERY talented people who know their jobs and get them done exceedingly well… except when they’re tired and RUN THROUGH FUCKING GREEN CLOUDS OMFG!).  Since I solo lead it means that if I’m not there… then there’s no raid.  I’ve cut out Sunday t7.5 clearings (we were doing Naxx25 / OS25 +2 / Malygos25 in a little under 3 hrs /strut).  We are dropping our Ulduar25 Thursday’s and moving it to after ToC25 normal on Fridays.  Since we are lacking the DPS to push through the Northrend Beasts encounter on hard we’re just gonna keep farming Ulduar for some minor upgrades and the ToC25 normal.  This puts us at a minimalist raiding schedule of Friday night and Saturday afternoon for 25mans.  I’m leading a ToC10man on Tuesdays and we have two other raid leads leading ToC10 on Saturday evenings.

My fun new priesty alt is also up to 22.  I took a screenshot at 20 in Redridge and realized that they are all going to basically look the same cuz of the stupid heirloom armor /sigh.  Anyway, here he is in his new found mount glory!  Whoever thought of reducing the mount levels… I fucking love you.

I really love the painted horses to.  They have always been my favorite horse both in game and IRL.  If you’ve never ridden a horse before you should try it at least once.  It really is a great experience.  Stroll through some lightly wooded areas or grab a lance and chase little kids around, ha ha ha so much fun.

Anyway, my posting my be a bit erratic for a bit and I’m certainly going to try and keep it from being so long between posts.  Sharing my thoughts with you all and getting your feedback is tons of fun.  /hug

Random Post #OMG its a green cloud!

I realize this is supposed to be a WoW blog but I’ve been having fun injecting some IRL into it.  Making it more… personal.  I hope y’all like it to.

Random Update #4,327

106 Kills of Baron Rivendare… still no mount.

/gets on milk crate

Here yee, here yee…  I would like to declare all Blizzcon scalpers as douches.  I sat in line both days and like so many others I failed to get tickets.  I checked Ebay… saw stupid prices and moved on.

While a lot of people were angry at Blizzard for making it easier to scalp tickets this year, it seems to have backfired on a lot of the scalpers.  With Ebay costs for incomplete auctions and paypal fees it will most likely come back to haunt those trying to scalp.

A lot of the ebay tickets… WENT UNSOLD.  I don’t really pay much attention to Ebay or the auctions that didn’t sell and all that jazz (someone informed me about all this stuffz).  My friend managed to get a pair of tickets for $150 each though, only paying $25 over the ticket price.  Not to shabby, especially since with Ebay fees and such probably endup costing the Ebay seller more than they made.

Which I say GOOD to.

I hope that all the Ebay scalpers find themselves having to sell their tickets at a discount just to move them.  I hope it ends up costing them a few hundred bucks to try and screw over people.

/gets off milk crate

Sorry, I just had to rant.  I had read a thread and someone mentioned their friend was trying to scalp tickets and they had only sold for 222.50 for 2 tickets.  The seller managed to cancel the auction I guess before it ended.  Pretty shitty of that person to cancel the auction simply because they thought they were going to gouge the shit out of someone and failed.

/gets off milk crate that he somehow managed to crawl back up on

In other news, there is a new battleground coming out in 3.2.  I don’t pvp much (just to get the mounts) but it sounds exciting.  More of a return to the classic Alterac Valley that had NPCs and lasted for days.  I might do a battleground like that.

Anyway, have a great weekend all… I’m off to camp Baron Rivendare and drink a bucket of margaritas.