6 Hrs doing what?

A few weeks ago was Bobby Flay’s week.  Mr. Flay is known for his BBQ but I was on a baking high (sounds drug related, it’s not) at the time and wanted to do something of his.  Bobby’s BBQ recipes certainly didn’t seem beginner so I figured his desserts wouldn’t be either.

And they aren’t.

I picked Bobby’s, hold on, I have to open another window and copy / paste the name cuz it’s ridiculously long.

Ok.

I picked Bobby’s Toasted Coconut Cake with Coconut Filling and Coconut Butter-cream.  Not sure if you clicked over to the recipe but if you did you’ll notice a funny little thing.

Total Cooking Time: 6 hrs 35mins.

IT’S NOT JOKING!

Problem is when I cook I tend to take all that time plus an additional 50%.  That’s what has been holding me back.  Finding a solid 8 hr block to cook isn’t exactly an easy feat.  Hell, that’s a work day!

I finally got some time today but got side tracked and didn’t start cooking until about 8pm.  That’s when I realized I was missing a few of the 45 ingredients.  It doesn’t help that there’s no shopping list to go with it so you have to write everything down.  Combine all the numerous items together (like the sugar that’s listed a few times and the eggs, you only need 6 by the by).  This is the most expensive cake I’ve ever made.  That’s after cutting some corners.

Vanilla beans are ‘SPENSIVE!  I opted for just using vanilla extract in place of them.  The only other change I made to the recipe was an extra third of a cup of confectioners’ sugar in the butter-cream.  I’m not a big fan of super sweet stuff but there is definitely a lack of sugar in the frosting and 3 sticks of butter just seems, well, let’s just say you are allowed one slice of cake and the rest has to be shared amongst friends.

Anyway, I get to makin’ this cake at 8pm.  I get my simple sugar syrup started.  I put my coconut into the oven to toast.

Mmmm…. toasted coconut is a delicacy.

I get started on my custard.  My milk said it went bad on the 23rd (today is the 27th).  It hasn’t been opened yet though because I drink soy or almond milk (lactose intolerance for the lose).  I open it and it smells and tastes fine’ish.  I call Betsy though since she’s the resident chef and all.  While I’m on the phone with her I figure it’s time to check on my coconut toasting.

Mmmm…. charred coconut, NOT a delicacy.

“Wanna go to Wal-mart with me Betsy and maybe come help me make a cake?”

“SURE!” she screams as I hear her knocking kids over in the background in a mad dash for the door.

Elapse 30 minutes (10 for Wal-mart and 20 because it’s how long Sonic took to get my drink).

This recipe really is a two person job.  One of the comments on the recipe was to split it into 3 days.  Custard and syrup day 1, cake and toasting day 2, and making frosting and doing frosting day 3.

We setup more coconut toasting and get started on the custard.  I’m stirring the stuff on the stove while Betsy gets started on the stuff that has to be mixed into it.

“Where’s your 1/3rd cup measuring cup?”  B asks.

“Right there.”  I point next to the sink where my HAND WASHED dishes are.  That’s right, I’m not 100% lazy and yes, I do own a dishwasher.

“That’s a 2/3rds cup.”  She says with a look of duh on her face.

“Yea,” I say, “just fill it halfway.  That’s what I do.”

Betsy looks at me like maybe I’m not playing with a full deck of cards.  That’s okay though.  I go back to eating my elmer’s glue and stirring the vanilla milk milk.

Everything goes pretty gold past this point.  Cakes are in the oven, getting ready to be done and it’s time to stick a toothpick in to see if they are ready.  I don’t have those though so I suggest a straw.

She laughs in my face.

How rude.

We resort to using match sticks (the non fiery end).

Cakes are done.  Pull ‘em out and I want to flip them immediately.  That way they will cool flat.  I run Betsy home and finish up the ingredients waiting the allotted 2 hours for my stupid fucking custard to set up.

Once that’s done I make the butter-cream frosting which just takes like sweet butter to me but whatever.  The cakes have to be flipped back over and I stumble, figuratively that is.  I put the cakes face down on my cutting board (my wooden one) so the tops of the cakes stuck to ‘em.  Oops!  Oh well, that’s what frosting is for right?

Have you ever tried to cut cakes in half?  Not across the top where it’s easy ya dolt.  In half like, into two big round pieces.  It’s very difficult.  Luckily you have icing and filling so people won’t really be able to see your layers that may or may not be anywhere near the same thickness.  Kind of like the difference between the thickness of a penny and the thickness of a roll of pennies.

The filling went on easy and then I iced the cake.  Butter-cream that is almost exclusively butter goes on really well.  It’s more the consistency of icing that comes from a can.  I spent a lot of time making sure the icing went on even and pretty.  Then when I was done I got pissed since I realized I was just going to cover it up with toasted coconut.

Which by the way, is some form of medieval torture.  I think Marie Antoinette started it.  Patting toasted coconut onto the side of a cake and then kind of not really brushing off excess so that you have enough to keep going around the outside is just silly.  Then you have to pat it on the top and how do you brush off extra from there?  It’s not like you can turn the cake sideways.  It starts to slide off the plate (not that I know… someone told me that… /whistle).

Anyway, I just got done with it and wanted to share this wonderful experience with you.  If Betsy hadn’t been there then there’s no way I would have gotten it done before 4am (and multiple super market trips).

I haven’t had a chance to try it but I can’t wait.  She sure turned out pretty though.

Special note… it’s 3am as of this writing.  I’m going to bed now.  I’m not going to stay up and fix all the lil’ grammar errors and the weird sentences that don’t make any sense.

In fact.

Your face!

Neely’s Spring Risotto

Note:  Commenting is back on.  Actually it never got turned off but that’s a long story.  Now, onto the real story.

I love me some risotto.  Ever since that first attempt I’ve really been in love with it.  When I make it correctly it has an amazing texture and the flavor you get from such a simple dish is really amazing.  When I find one of our new chefs it’s the first thing I look for.  Most of the time I’ll make it (plus something else so I’m not constantly talking about risotto to you all) but with the Neely’s nothing really popped out at me.

That means you are kind of stuck with this.

The Neely’s had a spring risotto that I figured I’d try.  After the last debacle that was the mediterranean pasta I didn’t want to chance ingredients that I know I don’t like.  The snow peas were just that ingredient in this so they became red bell peppers.

Just to pat myself on the back I’ve gotten so comfortable with making risotto that I hardly followed this recipe at all.  Which is funny considering the amount of mistakes I made making it.

Starting off I used an onion that was WAY too big (that’s what he said!)  Then I ended up adding too much liquid in the end and instead of allowing it to evaporate off I stopped the cooking (to prevent the rice from becoming mush).  It looked kinna gross in the pan with the extra liquid.  It didn’t help that I added in a bit too much parmesan cheese either.  The extra grease from it only added to the residual liquid.

On the upside though, it did taste pretty good!

Mediterranean Shuffle

This week was Mr. Tyler Florence.  You’d know that if you clicked the FNCCC button at top!  It tells you who we are doing each week for when I slack and don’t post a reminder.

I try to cook things I like or think I’ll like.  Things that have mostly ingredients that I want to eat and go nom nom nom on.  Tyler has a recipe for mediterranean pasta that’s so simple your friend Wil here can make it!

Ingredients
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 pound skinless boneless chicken breasts, sliced diagonally
1 (8 1/2-ounc) jar sun-dried tomatoes, julienned (1 cup)
2 tablespoons garlic, minced
1 pound fresh angel hair pasta
1/4 cup fresh basil
1 (8 1/2-ounce) can artichoke hearts in water, quartered and drained (1 cup)
1/2 cup kalamata olives, pitted (1/4 pound)
6 ounces feta cheese, crumbled
1/4 cup heavy cream
2 teaspoons dried oregano
Salt and pepper, to taste

Directions
Boil water for pasta in a pasta pot, fitted with a strainer. Heat oil in a skillet over medium heat. Brown chicken strips until no longer pink — about 3 minutes each side. Add sun-dried tomatoes and garlic to skillet. Saute for 2 minutes. In the meantime, add the fresh pasta to boiling water, cook until al dente, about 5 minutes.

Now add the basil, artichoke hearts, olives and feta cheese to the skillet. Saute 1 minute then stir in the cream. Strain the pasta and transfer to a large pasta bowl. Add the chicken saute to the pasta and toss. Season with oregano, salt and pepper before serving.

I mentioned I like to make things I think I’ll like but this recipe is composed mostly of things I don’t enjoy or have never eaten.  Green olives for example are only good if soaked in vodka a la the bottom of a vodka martini.

Black olives are nasty.  They look gross, have a horrible texture and there is nothing redeeming about them.  I’m starting a revolution now to get rid of them.  Viva la, uhm, anti black olive!

Anyway, kalamata olives have a mix of black and green olive flavor.  Right out of the jar they didn’t taste too bad to me but I wasn’t so sure about eating them.  I washed them off to try and get rid of as much brine as I could and found out the brine was the flavor I liked.

It also has artichoke hearts in it, I’m not sure what those are and I’ve never had them before.  I don’t even know how to explain their taste.  They don’t really have one.  They have a unique texture though that can only be described as leafy and chewy.  I think they take on the flavor of whatever they were in.

Kudos to me though for trying stuff that if I saw on a menu I’d instantly write off.

Which is exactly why I should have said hell to the no to making this dish.

Betsy loved it though and so did one of my employees who is often forced to sample my cooking.  Scott didn’t really enjoy it either but our tastes in food are about the same.

The recipe did come together quick and easy though.  I’m going to make it again as well, just highly modified.  I’ll drop the olives and artichoke hearts and keep everything else!  The smell from the chicken and the sun-dried ‘maters was flying monkeys good.

The ‘maters came suspended in an oil that had some herbs in it and I think next time I’ll drain that off and use it to cook the chicken in.  Add in the maters when the chicken is done and the feta and cream.  Sounds amazing.

My pictures won’t email off my phone at the moment so I’ll try to get those added later but the final dish wasn’t all that pretty anyway.

Try this dish at your own risk but remember, don’t be afraid to try new things.  You’ll never know what you might like!

I did find Feta Cheese after all!

Garlic Spaghetti Ass

This week was Melissa d’Arabian.  I watched her win uhm that show… Next Foodnetwork Star, that was the name of it.  She seemed really good and had a great personality so I was all for her winning.

She’s all about fast and easy so I wanted to do something in the spirit of her, I selected garlic spaghetti.  The comments on the recipe said it was a bit greasy (half a cup of oil and almost a full stick of butter, I wonder why).  I cut the butter in half thinking that might do it… but we’ll come back to that.

You’ll notice the first step to making this dish is to make some garlic oil, half a friggin’ cup of it to be exact.  You mince up the garlic and put it in the oil and let it slow roast for 30 minutes.  I don’t know what setting low is but my stove doesn’t go there.  My burner was at the flickering before it goes out from lack of gas stage and I still burned the garlic at the 20 minute mark.

There goes a 1/2cup of oil and most of my garlic bulb.  Attempt number two I pulled it off the heat around 10-12minutes when the garlic was nicely browned.

Did you know crushed tomatoes don’t come in a 15oz can?  They only come in a bucket that is twice the size.  I got the bucket anyway since Betsy pointed out that if it seemed too greasy I could just add more sauce.  Luckily I didn’t have any place to store extra crushed maters so I just dumped them all in and said to hell with it.

I put in half of the butter and if that’s all the grease/oil that went into it then it would have been perfect.  The flavorless sauce looked just glossy enough, very good.

Then I poured in 1/2 a cup of semi garlicky oil.  It looked like a hot mess.

After finally getting the oil 90% stirred into the sauce (because it just wouldn’t fully incorporate) I taste tested.

Surprise!  It tasted like garlicky tomatoes.  Srsly… I just spent an hour making garlicky tomatoes?  I added in some red pepper flakes so it would at least have a bit of heat and set it to simmer while I waited for water to boil.

Pasta done, mixed into sauce, behold… 2 hour spicy garlicky tomato spaghetti.

Have you ever eaten something and it kind of makes you sick because you know just how unhealthy it is?  Sure, cupcakes and chocolate are bad for you but they taste so good you forget.  This doesn’t make you forget.

It makes you feel blah.  What you should do is sautee the garlic in 2 tablespoons of EVOO then add in the tomato sauce and some oregano plus mushrooms for texture.  You could go with an even easier method called Prego which would be faster and still taste better than this dish.

Probably not a plus but it has so much oil it will pass through you like a sieve.  I would NOT recommend this dish.

Sweet Tater Quesadilla

I had planned on cooking my Ingrid recipe about Wednesday last week but as life does I got all distracted n’ stuff.  During the distractions though I was looking for recipes and I had written a few down.

Friday I looked at the few I had written down and decided on one of the recipes.  A delightful looking dish, sweet potato and caramelized onion quesadilla’s.  I got all my stuff together and when I got home I didn’t have some stuff on making it written down so I decided to get on the internetz and write it down.

That’s when the OOPSIE reared its ugly head.  I had written down a recipe I wanted to try but it wasn’t from Ingrid!  It was from a new blog I had found that had tons of recipes.  Really wanted to try these though and at this point it was too late to find something new, go back to the store, and cook it up.

So that’s the recipe you are getting!  It’s faux Ingrid though right cuz she like… kind of cooks Mexican food, most of her recipes were about getting liquored up though.  I’ll make a cocktail from her this week to makeup for it I promise!

Anyway, Mrs. Dana of Food for Thought, has a bunch of recipes and I even made hummus deviled eggs (but will talk about that later).  The quesadillas has a whole story behind them though and I highly recommend taking a look at it.

You would think this recipe would be… pretty simple but do you have any idea how hard it is to lightly brown a fucking quesadilla?  You look away a few seconds and BAM you turn around when you SMELL the burn.  I ruined 2 of the 4 quesadillas I made by getting a nice char on one side of it.  The insides were good though so I just kind of scooped ‘em out and ate them like a salad.

I ended up using regular flour tortillas instead of the special ones but they turned out tasting great.  I don’t think the recipe has you make enough onions though because it could definitely have used more onions in the quesadillas.  I’m always amazed at how much onions reduce down when you get ‘em cooking.

Betsy was a definite no on this recipe.  In fact she couldn’t even hide her disdain for the idea when I brought a taster over.  She was full.  That bitch!  Granted… she had just made dinner but at least her oldest loved it!

I noticed Philadelphia had some cooking creme or something but I didn’t know what it was so I used soft cream cheese, chive & onion flavor.  Turned out great.

Can’t say enough good things about this dish.  Roasted sweet potatoes are good regardless.  Then you add in the crunch of the tortilla and have you ever met a caramelized onion that didn’t play your heart strings?  Two thumbs up.